hold fast to dreams

What is the difference between having goals and dreams and having expectations?  Do we not let our dreams become our expectations for our lives?  You often hear in one-on-one conversations over coffee or wine or miles and miles of wireless signal that someone’s life ended up going a different way than s/he expected.  Divorce, job losses, unplanned pregnancies, infertility, losing someone we love:  these are all smack-you-in-the-face interrupters from our glorious and perfect life plans that we envision from age 4 with Barbie and Ken and Skipper (remember her?!) and pillow cases and Batmobiles.  I think that I have (at times) turned my dreams and hopes into expectations, and therefore forced certain outcomes that perhaps were not ready to bloom yet.  My mother always told me that since I was a toddler, if I wanted to do something, I figured out how to make it happen.  (That is not to be interpreted as me being a spoiled child–far from it.)  I’m a doer.  At times, I grudgingly admit, I’m a manipulator.  If there is not an immediate solution to making it happen, I will find a way and I will not miss out on the experience that I want to have.  I have put pressure on myself to achieve my goals and make my dreams come true because I have expected that if they exist in my mind and in my heart, then they must come to fruition. Passivity is a state that I do not know very well.  I have always wanted to do more, see more, be more, act more, learn more, play more, drink more, eat more, hear more.

Why am I writing this?  (I don’t know.) Perhaps I’m writing this to figure out what it means that I don’t have a pressing goal right now, and it feels weird not to have something toward which I am working.  Is this what contentment feels like?  If so, I don’t like it.  Forward thinking, dreaming, playing, imagining, hoping is where I want to be.

Hold fast to dreams

For if dreams die

Life is a broken-winged bird

That cannot fly

Hold fast to dreams

For when dreams go

Life is a barren field

Frozen with snow

–Langston Hughes

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One thought on “hold fast to dreams

  1. Clearly, with this post, and the previous, you are searching for that next step. And I’m sure it will find you. But just maybe this time was given to you to take record of all those things you have accomplished, done, pursued, failed, overcome, enjoyed and conquered. Here’s to finding your next step. xo!

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